btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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