how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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