you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
