I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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