my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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