someone threw a dead crab at me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
