Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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