I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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