So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
