I cockslap morals
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
