Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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