i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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