Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Even the bartender felt bad for me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
