I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
