nut hugger
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
