I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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