At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I touched a dick in church today
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
