Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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