What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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