You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
