I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
