i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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