you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I supernannyed him into submission
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
