On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
