The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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