i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
