I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
