Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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