Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
