I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
