I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
