If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
