Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
