Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
