i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
