i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
