she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
