Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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