It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
