I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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