glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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