Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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