There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
