just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
