I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
