Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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