Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
