I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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