Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
