I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
