I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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