Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my poor anus
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
