what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
